A letter to save a drowning friend (or two)

I know you’re my friend’s friend more than mine, but you are my friend, too, in some ways. Who would not like such an apparently warm, caring, intelligent and fun friend of their own? So this is a letter to save my drowning friend — as well as his.

It is, however, as much a letter to save him from you. I think I see something in you that he doesn’t…

You may not think of yourself as a drowning person. Indeed, your life has some great positive parts — and these seem genuinely positive, just as you seem to be a wonderful person with some great qualities. You are, in essence, a good swimmer in life’s ocean waters. What you may not realize is that even master swimmers can find themselves drowning if they get into the wrong conditions.

Some of what appears as positive in your life are actually weights that are pulling you into the depths. Take your supposed ‘girlfriend.’ She, too, is drowning in her own misery, her confusion, drugs, lies and insecurities. Instead of truly helping you stay afloat, she is adding to your struggle. Similar to how you’re pulling my friend down as you struggle, she is pulling you down, and the more you provide to her only increases her inability to swim on her own — thus becoming a heavier weight in your own life. Your ability to meet and befriend ‘gorgeous women’ from all over the world is not an ‘uncanny’ ability (as you think) but a subconscious (or is it?) continual searching for validation and connection. These appear to be parts of your life that are uplifting and buoyant, but they only prevent you from developing your strength to swim on your own.

I mentioned that you are pulling my friend down in your own struggle because drowning people often drown the people trying to save them. Importantly, they do not do this on purpose. For sure, just because they’re drowning doesn’t mean they’re bad people — they are simply drowning and their survival instinct kicks in and takes control. You are a nice person; yet in your struggle you have sucked him under water, forced him to wallow in your dark depths, and even suspend his life-saving breath of always being truthful (as you have asked him to outright lie for you in the past). You have shocked his system, put his life in jeopardy, and made him more fearful of the water and less likely to attempt to save any other struggling swimmers. You have compromised his enjoyment of swimming with others — which is sad because he is (or was) a natural lifesaver.

Thankfully there is help for you. Just as drowning people can get themselves out of their potentially fatal circumstance, you can get yourself out of yours. The first step is to STOP STRUGGLING. There are others around you wanting to help bring you ashore. But they can’t help you if you keep putting their lives in jeopardy. And to continue thrashing and lashing out and desperately grabbing hold of things that you think will help keep your head above water will only prolong your struggle and hasten your demise.

Stopping the struggle will allow help to come in — AND it will help you recover your mental and physical energy that you’ve been wasting away for way too long. You are not a healthy swimmer — some of the best ‘bikini bodies’ are the unhealthiest because they are dying from the inside-out. Taking the needed rest is the only way to usher in recovery.

You need to let go the other weights pulling you down. Sometimes to save yourself you need to let the other drowning people drown. My friend is about to let you drown in order to save himself. Yes, this would ‘kill’ him on one level, but it would save him on another. You need to think of your own life right now — stop trying to save your drowning girlfriend because you may both end up at the bottom of the ocean with them.

You need to let yourself be pulled to safety. This may mean taking you out of your comfortable and beautiful ocean and onto some dry and rocky surface, but you can’t stay where you’re at. At least right now. Recover, let the dangers of the water recede, and only then plan on going back in.

You need to BREATHE ON YOUR OWN and let the strength of your own heart keep you alive. No continued CPR is necessary because you have the full ability to keep your own life going.

I hope, somehow and at some level, you’ll be able to hear this message. Unfortunately, past actions are the best predictor of future actions so I cannot hold my breath waiting to see what happens…

Regardless, I wish you well. Atop of the bounty blue or deep below.